Leap of faith that feels more like a cliff jump of terror

I started working for the Healthy Families program six and a half years ago. A newlywed who had just graduated with my bachelors in social work- I was young and naive and ready to save the world one family at a time.


Working for Healthy Families has fulfilled me more than I ever could've known. I like to think I've grown up while working there. I finished grad school, had 2 babies, and entered management during my tenure but what helped me grow the most was the persepctive on life and family that I gained. I've been humbled and taught true gratitude from walking into the homes of so many different families.


I considered myself a "Healthy Families Lifer" and thought I'd be there forever. I knew it took me away from my own family, but found solice in knowing I was helping other families. I believe I was placed in the lives of specific families because we had something to offer each other at that time.


But I've had a nagging feeling that I've tried to shake and just can't. The feeling that it's someone else's turn; someone else should be doing the work I'm doing -and that I am needed somewhere else.

After many sleepless nights, I've resigned my position and will be trying something new. Something that I'm hoping will offer even more fulfillment, although admittedly, I'm not sure it will. But I do know it will have a lasting and far reaching impact. I'm committing myself to my home, to the husband who's starting grad school, and to the 2 little boys that need me most.

I'm less afraid of being a stay at home Mom, and more afraid of losing my identity. I'm not just leaving a job; I'm leaving ME. My biggest struggle is going to be rearranging- figuring out how else to identify myself.

I can't think of too many other times where I've simultaneously experienced so much fear and so much excitment. I avoided making this decision for a long time based on fear. But now, excitement wins out most of the time.

I'm excited to teach my children and want to try to experience life from their perspective.

I hope to strengthen friendships. Be available. Offer service.

It's going to be a journey, we'll see how it ends.

This is how we Christmas

Kicking off the Christmas Season for us was Parker's Holiday Program at preschool:

That's our Parker- refusing to participate. He sat in that chair and looked around as if he had no idea what was going on. Everyone oohed and awed over him thinking he must be shy. (We got Parker's teachers some Sees Candies for Christmas and when he gave the boxes to them he said, "Merry Christmas! Will you share with me?" Yeah, not so shy.

So far, the most exciting part of Christmas for Parker has been the Christmas tree. He ran around the Christmas tree lot pointing at every tree saying, "I want that one! I want that one!"

I wish I could capture in a bottle the look of awe and amazement when we turned the lights on the tree. He helped me put the lights on, and I don't know what he thought was going to happen, but when we turned them on he was stunned! When I tucked him into bed that night, in the sweetest little voice imagineable, he says to me, "Thanks for putting the lights on the tree Mom." I cried and realized that this would probably be the best Christmas ever.

We went to Zoo Lights, which has really improved the last few years.

Parker says, "I'm ready for the snow!" (It's a good thing we won't be around any snow for Christmas.)

And there were a few things we did that I didn't have pictures of. We went and delivered some Christmas goodies. (Which Parker LOVED. When someone opened the door he would scream "Merry Christmas", shove them the plate, and then run into their house. The last few days he's also required that any little snack I give him be on a Christmas plate and that I say, "Merry Christmas" when I hand it to him.) Mark and I went and saw A Christmas Carol at Hale Theatre; LOVED it. My Mom came into town and celebrated Christmas with me and my sister. We had a traditional Ardis Christmas Eve Party.

I also got a traffic ticket which was really exciting. There's a lot of other things to do with $200 right before Christmas.

I feel like we've experienced a lot of Christmas and it isn't even here yet. But it is time! Time to pack up the presents and hit the road! We're spending Christmas with my in-laws this year!

Our recipe for a no fuss Thanksgiving

Low key. That's how we roll over here. Thanksgiving was the 4 of us this year, so we lounged around, took naps, and when we got hungry had a turkey dinner with about 150 people (that we don't know) at Cracker Barrel.

After dinner, we went to golfland where Parker played miniature golf for the first time. I'm surprised it's taken us this long to take him. Mark and I did this all the time in our pre-kid years.

I lasted about 8 holes. I couldn't exactly see the ball. We were the only ones out there, so there was no embarassment to be had when Parker started climbing and jumping all over everything. He made it through about 12 holes before he lost interest.

Golfland has a "Winter Wonderland" course that's all decked out with Christmas decorations. Not holiday decorations, Christmas decorations. I enjoyed it, I was just surprised. Anything religious is usually shunned from business. They even had a nativity.

I really enjoyed Thanksgiving this year. It doesn't get more relaxing than that. Next year though! That'll be my year! I vow to cook my first Thanksgiving dinner. Bring on the stress and the expense of Thanksgiving dinner.

Sooo Original

We put so much thought and effort into our boys' costumes this year, I can't belive it's taken me nearly a month to post a picture.

Two Buzz Lightyears... they were only 2 of the dozen or so at the trunk-or-treat.

While these costumes reflect mine and Mark's enthusiasm about the holiday, Parker was excited beyond excited. He wore his costume every day leading up to Halloween and insisted that his brother put on his Buzz costume as well.

So while they may not have been the most original, it sure was fun because Parker's chronic Buzz lightyear impersonations were priceless. (Until he got to preschool and Buzz Lightyear, Spiderman, Ironman, and Thomas the train (???) all started showing their super hero powers that included beating each other up.) You couldn't help but feel why dressing up is so exciting to little kids.

Camping in Pinetop?

I think it was Pinetop, I can't remember. I can hardly remember what we were there for. Some sort of training for scout leaders in the stake... or something. (I just turned 29. Might as well be 79. I can remember nothing. If you want to see me confused just start a sentence with, "Remember when...")

So a while ago we went camping. Our first camping trip as a family of 4. As I look at my attempt to document the occasion, I only notice that every picture has something slightly humerous about it.

Like, how in Parker's excitement to pee on trees he forgot to be obscure about it.

Or how in the kickball game, even with a runner on base, the third baseman is sitting on the base.

And this one! Do I even need to point it out to you? Look at the size of that melon! This angle is not working for you, Ben. This one's just screaming for a caption that I can't come up with. Broken pencil, hands in the pockets, muddy shoes... what is it?

This is Parker

He's into dressing himself right now. It's sooo fun.

But in reality, if he's got clothes on. Than we're doing good. Kid is quite the streaker.

Sometimes I call him "King of the Obvious". It starts when he gets up in the morning, when he exclaims "Parker's awake!" Then, "Parker's hungry. Parker's gonna eat breakfast. Parker's eating toast. Mommy's eating eggs. Ben doesn't have any teeth." He'll pretty much narrate your day for you.

He's gauranteed to start every conversation with, "Hi. I'm Parker." Even if you know him, and he knows you.

Ask him something he doesn't want to answer like, "Why is Ben crying?" and all his comprehension skills disappear. "Huh?" ask again "Huh? What?" And then when he finally gets around to telling you he's super nonchalant, "I stomped on Ben's back."

He can also lose his ability to comprehend when you ask him to do something. It's either, "huh?" or "Parker's sick."

And we're going on about month 9 of him referring to his father as "Mark". Everyone said, "Yeah, my kids went thru that phase." Did it last 9+ months?

I think this kid is the bomb! He makes for great company! I'm sad that we're creeping up on 3.5. My favorite age is slipping away.

(Another example of King of the Obvious: we went to the Dr on Tuesday and he got a shot in his arm. When the nurse put the needle in he just looked at her and yelled, "That hurts! That hurts Parker's arm!" And then when we passed her in the hall on the way out he's like, "You hurt my shoulder!" Maybe you had to be there, but it was really funny at the time.)

This is Ben

He's 6 months old. And probably one of the smiliest babies you've ever met. Unless, he's mad. Then he could probably be the maddest baby you've ever met. (Confusing? Yeah, I know. Funny how the same baby that is so easy to get to smile, is so easy to tick off.)


About a month ago he learned to sit.


And then the next day he started to do what we call the "crawl and lunge".

See the scooting of the knees below:

And then when the arms aren't cooridinated to move with the knees you lunge:

It's working for him. He gets around. Around everywhere.

And like I said, it's been about a month and those arms are showing no sign of getting on board with a coordinated crawl, so I'm thinking the crawl and lunge is here to stay.